The Bioshares 2015 : “Long Tail” Awards

Unfortunately, I will not be at Bioshares in New Zealand this weekend to present these well-deserved awards on behalf of the dedicated readers of The Long Tail. However, I have ordered a crate of North Korean Kumdang-2 as the prize for these awards and as soon as it clears AQIS, I will be sure and distribute it to the deserving winners.

There are 5 awards in this inaugural recognition of ASX-listed biopharma excellence. They are as follows:

The Dead Cat Bounce Award
Deadcat bounce

This award is for the company that did the most spectacular job of manipulating its share price, and still manage to not get burnt by ASIC. It is for the company that shows the greatest dedication to pumping and dumping stock, outrageous press releases and excellently timed share purchase plan announcements. The award goes to Prima Biomed (ASX : PRR). I thought Prima was an especially deserving winner as it is the only company I have ever seen that was awarded with a 300% stock rally for announcing the final results of a program it had already killed. Remarkable effort, Marc Voigt and the team…

The Mickey Mouse Award

Gee Willickers

This award goes to to the company that managed to kill the most rodents in the name of creating exciting press releases to demanding shareholders. An important criteria of this award is that none of the science that came out of those little lives lost should have any peer-review scientific credibility whatsoever. That award, without hesitation or competition, goes to Novogen (ASX : NRT). A big congratulations to Graham Kelly and the team.

The Smoke and Mirrors Award


This award is generously given to the company that managed to create enough new business units, enough new directions, and get shareholders excited about completely irrelevant new projects, that it didn’t actually have to delivery anything of commercial value whatsoever. Although Novogen is a close contender for the award this year, it was really hard to beat the masterful redirections of Geoff Cumming and the team at Anteo Diagnostics (ASX : ADO). However, there will be no allocation of Kumdang-2 for GC, because he is already overpaid and he can import his own North Korean drugs himself.

The Vanquish Award

VanquishI first fell in love with the Aston Martin in Bond films. Even the 70s vintage DBS managed to make Roger Moore look like a stud. When I was thinking about the title of this award, I wanted to recognise the most astonishing acts of publicity that had literally no value or meaning whatsoever. With so many strong contenders, like PharmAust, Regeneus, Suda, Cynata and even Benitec’s little RA Capital clarification, it was difficult to choose. Strangely, for some reason, an Aston Martin Vanquish with some guy named Roger (or was it Rogers?) draped over the hood, popped into my head every time I thought about it. Bizarre really. However after much navel gazing, I came to the conclusion that there was a clear winner – congratulations to Roger Aston and the team at PharmAust (ASX : PAA) for the thrilling and inspiring dog-by-dog coverage of the PPL-1 studies. Brilliant stuff!

The HotCrapper Award


This award is for the company from whom I received the greatest amount of abuse by rabid punters on trading platforms for my posts. I try to keep rough track of the number of times I get called a wanker, a ‘down-ramper’ (which could just about be Cockney rhyming slang for ‘wanker’ anyhow) or a dickhead. For most of the companies I have commented on, it’s only mid-double digits. This year, there were two standouts – Anteo Diagnostics (ASX : ADO) and Neuren Pharmaceuticals (ASX : NEU). Since ADO already got an award, this one goes to Neuren, for the most venomous, aggressive and unpleasant shareholders.

12 thoughts on “The Bioshares 2015 : “Long Tail” Awards

  1. Chris

    you are really creatively funny, especially your cartoons and the witty turns of phrase! Thanks for all the laughs, and your valuable insights. I finished reading all your posts today.


  2. The photos coming from the New Horizons probe this week brought the words pareidolia and apophenia into circulation.

    LinkedIn connections, patent fillings, travel schedules, yet-living mice, sly winks and so forth somehow convincing shareholders to invest the balance of the retirement funds into junk stocks. I feel like an award for most self-deluded apophenian shareholders would have been appropriate (although I am sure the prime examples are already awarded above).

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your NEU shareholders are enjoying a long, stony silence from their heroic board. Perhaps your Catholic guilt and magnificent array of multi-media hail Mary’s have convinced God to serve a bit of Karma on your detractors. After all, at least you were willing to talk to them.

    I think a “kersplunk” award should go to QRX, posthumously, of course when the shit has stopped flying.


  4. Accidentally found this forum whilst researching some of these Biotechs & you have made me very aware of shonky operators in this field. How is the average investor able to determine a good company with real growth to commercialisation capabilities. As a pharmacist I am interested in investing in this Sector of the ASX & besides this forum where can one go for good honest analysis of Biotechs & the Healthcare Sector.
    Would really appreciate some advice on this & esp the stocks to avoid.


    • Hi Mark, thanks for your comments. I don’t provide investment advice, rather an independent “buy side” perspective. You are a scientist, so use your advantage! If you want to be a day trader, then don’t care. Just trade on share movement but if you are looking for long-term investments then focus on quality and scientific integrity.


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