Honestly, what a ridiculous company.
I have previously poked fun at Anteo (ASX:ADO) but every time I post, I tell myself “no, surely, I can’t be getting this right, surely no company is either stupid enough or arrogant enough to do the things it does.” Then the next day something goofy happens like the announcement that Anteo has raised ONE MILLION dollars (to be pronounced MILL-LEE-ON, in true Dr. Evil fashion) to advance its energy business.
Its “energy business.” For its diagnostics business … no no no, separate (a subsidiary?). Based on its “Nanoglue” technology, that it will, er… “drop in” to battery manufacturing processes in order to er… make it better. You know, energy density, charge rates, and stuff. Lighter LIGHTER. You know, nano-shit.
I’m so confused. Is this what they mean by nanoglue?Look, I realise that I haven’t succeeded in getting through to ADO shareholders. There is just too much loyalty to this company. I suppose if one looked at the shareholder registry, one would find a lot of devout sandgropers who have clearly been sold on the story and are never going to let go. Ever. (Note : I have provided an Urban Dictionary definition for the Americans who read this blog in order to have a good laugh at our life sciences scene, though I note that this definition has some fundamental conflicts with the assertions in this post). Nonetheless, I am going to persevere, by taking a different tactic and do a blow-by-blow breakdown of the ASX announcement with a slightly alternative interpretation.
Anteo raises $1m from strategic investors to advance Anteo Energy Projects
Meaning : we tapped into a few of our dumbest shareholders for extra money.
12,500 new shares issued at $0.08 per share to existing shareholders
Meaning : you probably weren’t invited to buy shares, and we pretty much sold them cheap. So screw you. We raised just enough money so that you wouldn’t complain about the dilution and wouldn’t have to worry about something ridiculous and incredibly boring like a shareholder meeting.
Funds raised to advance Anteo Energy
Meaning : We were starting to feel the pressure to actually have to sell some product (after 10 years) so we decided to create a new company instead. Hey, if Vladimir Putin can invade Ukraine to distract from dysfunctional domestic policies, we can bloody well create a new business unit.
Anteo Diagnostics Limited (ASX:ADO) (Anteo) is pleased to announce that it has completed a $1 million placement at $0.08 per share to long-term shareholders wishing to invest in the Group’s continuing development of its nanoglue technology in the battery sector.
Meaning : We sucked in a bunch of people during our last investor road show with a lot of science-ish PowerPoint slides on our technology. It doesn’t matter that the money isn’t enough to do anything useful – but we gotta pay the CEO’s salary somehow.
12,500,000 new Fully Paid Ordinary (FPO) shares will be issued and funds will be deployed specifically to advanced Anteo Energy activities. The FPO shares will rank equally with the Ordinary Shares currently on issue. The new placement was undertaken at market price.
Meaning : Because, you see, if we had done a prospectus and gone out to properly raise a round of financing, we would have had to put ourselves in a situation where we would have to explain to our wider shareholder / analyst base the overall change in strategy, and why we were in a position to impact the energy storage space. That would have been really tough. This way, we don’t have to worry about it.
The new capital raised for Anteo Energy will allows us to:
- Further develop Anteo’s nanoglue
- Support the ongoing internal development of activities independent of the other Anteo projects
- File further patents around any additional inventions
- Increase the investigations into wider applications of nanoglue within the battery market
- Establish and grow relevant commercial networks within the battery industry
- Examine different commercial nanoglue alternatives
Meaning : i.e work out how to deliver on the outrageous claims we have made thus far and actually understand the industry we are supposed to be impacting. You know, like Tesla. Oh, for the last point, we are not going to be looking at the existing commercially-marketed “nanoglue” (by Elmers). It apparently doesn’t work very well, we watched the YouTube video too.
Our investors have been encouraged by the prospects of Anteo Energy and are keen to see the potential commercial opportunities of Anteo’s nanoglue technology in the battery market.
Meaning : A few our shareholders really liked the BS presented by Vision Investing who managed to take our completely meaningless shareholder presentation and further dilute it into marketing waffle. But hey, it has a cute Apple iPhone “battery empty” icon, so that makes it robust.
Anteo’s Chief Executive Officer Dr. Geoff Cumming commented: “I am pleased to see shareholder’s desire to drive the Anteo Energy project forward independently of our core activities”
Meaning : Phew! I’m not going to have sell anything for another year.
1) You will note that I have classified this post as an “apology”. That’s because to all those people who purchased shares in this company, I’m sorry that you wasted your money.
2) Photo cred : Dr. Evil. Looking good, buddy…